Tuesday, August 7, 2012

PERSONAL | I am mostly at peace to say goodbye to my father



I KNOW it's been a week since I've actually come around and left you with a sad news. I'm having major anxiety attacks lately and am not dealing with them very well, it's major life changes. It’s been devastating. For those who follow my blog regularly, I'm sure you know that my father died on Wednesday, August 1, two weeks after being diagnosed at a hospital because of heatstroke. My mother were with him in the very end and his passing away was so peaceful.

My father was experiencing a lot of pain because of those rubber tube inserted through his mouth and nose, but the doctor removed them after one week because my father can't take it anymore and he is so irritable. That was difficult for us to experience. He feel at ease and thankful until the tube is removed. Thankfully, the pain was managed in the last three days of his life.

The two weeks I sat by his bedside every night was meaningful to me for it was a way for me to say thank you to him and show him that I care and I loved him. We did not exchange words but felt very connected. It was perhaps the only time I had shared tears with him and kissed him in his forehead.

We buried him yesterday in Manila North Cemetery beside his sister and his father's grave. My heart is broken because he left us - forever. It’s been super hard for me, emotionally. I cried all day everyday, especially yesterday.

Today, I thought everything was going to be alright, I cried every time, because the memory of our complete family has ended. I don't remember a days where I've cried more than this. It’s uncontrollable, and unexpected. Our life will never be the same without him, because he was part of our routine. But still... he's a part of our life, our sweet memories and always in our heart... everyday!

I'm so thankful that he's my father, he taught us so much about life and about living.
He taught us to be a better person and to respect for elder persons.
He taught me to live my life to the fullest, and be free, not to care about what other people might be thinking about, but stick to what you love and what is right.
He taught me to be strong, brave and a fighter for life.
He taught us to eat vegetables.
He's the greatest cook in the world.
He taught us to love and respect one another (my two brothers and me as their sister), I'm glad we did - we didn't have any big or small fight since we're kids.

I miss everything about him...
My father was always a very hard working person.
He has a huge ego and pride.
He was a strict disciplinarian.
He has interest in art, crafts, electronics and carpentry.
He's very creative in everything.
He love and we shared music together, it's a part of his everyday life.
The passion for fashion. He always like to dress well.
I look a lot like my father.
Thanks, Dad, for the good genes!

Thank you for reading my sentimental post, I just wanna share what I feel - to ease the pain I feel inside. I am mostly at peace to say goodbye to my father.
Tomorrow I'll start uploading outfit post, hopefully I'll be back to normal.

Although the physicality of death destroys man, the idea of death saves him. -- Irvin D Yalom

18 comments:

The Dainty Dolls House said...

Am really sorry to know of your sad news. Losing someone is never easy and even harder when it's a parent. My father died when I was a little girl and I still miss him. And it's ok to be sad and miss your dad, he meant a lot to you and will forever. Just know that part of him lives on in you and you'll never be apart from him. Keep his memory alive when you feel sad and he'll be there. Let yourself cry and be sad...that's just a way of knowing he meant a lot to you. It doesn't go away, but you get better at managing the pain. I'm sure he is smiling for you now :) I send you all love, peace and good thoughts in this time of sadness xxx

Emmanuella said...

Hi dear...well I think the best thing you can do in this moment is to share, to tell what you feel. It makes you feel better in a way and I'm glad you did it. It's gonna be ok, your dad is quiet and not suffering anymore he watches over you from where he is now... Just pray God for him to give you the strength to overcome this situation and with time you'll see that it's gonna be okay. Don't forget to enjoy every second you have with the other members of your family...

caise said...

I'm so sorry for you loss..

Indistinctive Writer said...

my condolence for you loss. our experiences on august one are poles different. you lost a father while we welcomed a baby boy...

life is indeed very mysterious and complicated.

i know you will get through the tough times because you're a strong-willed person.

stay pretty ^_^ have a nice day...

"Diaries of an Indistinctive Writer"

Missy Cheeks said...

Hello Julie.
This is so sad,be strong and a lot of love to you!!

Ericka Garcia said...

I'm so sorry for your loss Julie.

I almost cried while reading this blogpost.

May your father will rest in peace. He is with God Almighty now.

Iza said...

Beautiful text, my dear. Beautiful tribute to your father. I didn't know about that. I am sorry. My condolences! I hope you have strenght to go through this sad time. Big kisses for you my dear <3

Mai Yang said...

He's in a happy place now julie :-)

I am praying for his peaceful journey. Btw, I hope you are not affected with floods. I'm really worried.

Sylvia said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. Losing my father was the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with, so I can understand how you must feel. Allow yourself to grieve and keep the wonderful memories of him alive in your heart. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Hugs,
Sylvia

Diane said...

I agree so much with the first comment! It is okay to mourn your dad, it's not anybody, he's your blood, and I know it's not easy to get over it, there probably still be that emptiness but just remember all those things you just wrote about him, those things that makes you love him! Time heals everything! Remember, he will always be in your heart and watching over you!
I was very glad to read this sentence, "I am mostly at peace to say goodbye to my father" . Things will get better, be strong. xx

Keit said...

It's completely normal to cry everyday and generally to feel awful. Sometimes only time helps, and with time the pains drifts away. I am in awe by your strength to keep on moving forward and hope you feel much much much better with time. Kisses and hugs!

Jenny said...

Thanks and you're welcome.
Hope you can go back to normal soon.
X

Barbara Tommasin said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, but believe me, there's no one who can understand you better. My mother passed away last month, so I know how you feel.
We only must be brave and strong and live for them too.
A big hug!

Just Rock and Rose

MS AMYAGUILERA said...

I'm really sorry to hear your sad news, RIP! Your father is very happy now because you are at peace to say goodbye to him! and he will always be as your mother stayed with him at the very last moment. Feel free to chat with me, and I will your listener and stay with your on the Internet right there :)! By the way, please keep smiling! msamyaguilera.blogspot.com
Amy x

Hanna & Christel said...

We are so sorry for tour lost.
Be strong!

Surbhi Suri said...

oh dear ! its so tragic,I was hoping for him to get better, but i guess destiny fails human beings at times. hope u get strength to face this crisis and take care of ur family. God rest his soul.
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Deborah Howell said...

Oh my, that is a bitter pill to swallow. Cutest it of course will take time so give yourself time to grieve, as there is few things worse than losing a parent, take care of yourself and your mom right now. You and your family are in my prayers.

Caro * said...

I am very sorry for your Dad one more time, hope that he will be in peace now. I wish you a lot of courage again and be strong.

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